


Tonight the stars are in your eyes and I surrender

by Of_stars_and_moon



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda?, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Ronan Lynch, Pining, Pining Ronan Lynch, Post-The Raven Boys, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25050901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Of_stars_and_moon/pseuds/Of_stars_and_moon
Summary: Ronan walked out to the living room, thinking of getting some coffee. He was not surprised to see that it wasn't empty; Gansey spent nights awake here. What surprised him was that it was Adam sitting there, scribbling something on a notebook."Parrish? What the fuck are you doing awake?" he asked.(I suck at summaries but this is basically Ronan and Adam having some late night conversations after The Raven Boys)
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 20
Kudos: 169





	Tonight the stars are in your eyes and I surrender

**Author's Note:**

> Since it's Adam's birthday, I thought of writing a fic for it. It's not a birthday fic exactly because I suck at those, but just my baby getting care and some late night conversations.   
> Tw: Mentions of child abuse

It had been days since that night; since Adam sacrificed himself to Cabeswater, since Whelk's death, and even more days since the night Ronan had dropped Adam outside his trailer, only to see him stumble down through the rear view mirror and going back for him. But Ronan couldn't sleep. 

It wasn't anything new really; his insomnia usually kept him up, but these days he wasn't even trying to sleep. He was used to being afraid of bringing back a night horror, but he wasn't used to being afraid of what other monstrous thing his dreams would entail. But now, knowing that Adam was under the same roof, and memories of Robert Parrish hitting him and whelk raising his gun on him. Ronan didn't want to bring back something that could hurt the other boy. 

Ronan walked out to the living room, thinking of getting some coffee. He was not surprised to see that it wasn't empty; Gansey spent nights awake here. What surprised him was that it was Adam sitting there, scribbling something on a notebook. 

"Parrish? What the fuck are you doing awake?" he asked.

When Adam didn't answer the second time he called him, Ronan frowned in worry and walked to him, tapping his shoulder. 

Adam flinched away, looking up with wide terrified eyes and Ronan's chest twisted with guilt and anger at himself. He had come up on Adam's left side without realising. 

"Hey, it's me," he said, taking a step back. 

"Ronan? What are you doing here?" 

I asked first, Ronan thought, but shook his head, saying, "I was hungry." Not a lie. Just an omission. "What are you doing?"

"Homework."

"Homework? Parrish, it's over one fucking a.m."

Adam looked down at his watch and to Ronans surprise, he didn't look alarmed at the late hour. "I'll just finish up with this," he said.

"Are you serious?"

Adam shrugged. "I usually stay up late finishing homework."

Ronan thought of Adam sitting in his room in the trailer, forcing himself to stay awake despite the exhaustion from school and his jobs and occasionally despite the pain from the bruises. Ronan barely managed to clamp down the anger at that. He should have killed Robert Parrish when he had the chance. "Thats stupid and you should sleep," he told Adam.

"I can't until I finish this,"Adam replied. This stubborn fucker.

Ronan sighed and went to the kitchen-bathroom and took out some ice-cream to eat. Walking back to the living room, he sat down in front of Adam and offered one to him. "At least eat something, idiot."

It was obvious that Adam wanted to argue, so Ronan just dropped it in front of him and picked up Adam's Latin notebook, reading over the assignment.

"This one's wrong," he said, picking up the pencil to correct that. He could feel Adams gaze on him, no doubt scrutinizing and when Ronan didn't look up, Adam shifted to look at the notebook. 

The next thirty minutes passed like that and when they were done with the Latin homework, Ronan shut the notebook. "Go to bed now, Parrish. Or I'll wake up Gansey to fuss over you."

"You wouldn't wake him up for anything," Adam stated and fuck him for knowing Ronan so well.

"Whatever," he mumbled and picked up the bowls to take back to the kitchen. When he came back, Adam was still sitting there, staring at his notebooks, but his eyes looked distant. 

Not making the stupid mistake again, Ronan went over to his right side and said, "I said sleep."

Adam blinked up at him. "Oh, yeah sorry."

As he collected his books and stood up, Ronan wondered if he had just been lost in thoughts or if it was something because of Cabeswater, and honestly he didnt know which one could be worse. 

"See you tomorrow," Adam said as he made his way to Noah's room.

"See you."

"Ronan?" Adam called, hand on the doorknob. And as Ronan turned back, said, "Thank you." 

Ronan gave a nod in response, ignoring the way his heart fluttered. 

\----

The following couple of days passed like that; with Ronan helping Adam in homework, and then staying awake in his room or falling into restless sleep. From the dark circles under Adam's eyes, Ronan guessed that he didn't sleep after studying either. 

It was a Saturday, and Adam didn't have homework, so they had gone to bed early. But as he laid awake in the dark with no idea how late it was, Ronan heard sounds coming from Adam's room meaning that the other boy was awake as well. 

Getting up from his bed, he made his way to his room. It was crazy and even a little scary how much he had grown used to Adam's company during nights lately.

Ronan knocked softly on the door. "You awake?" he asked.

"Yeah," Adam's reply came muffled through the door.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"Bad dream. You?"

Ronan clenched his fists at that. The thought of Adam being hurt or in discomfort, even in his nightmares made Ronan want to burn the world down. "Couldn't sleep," he replied. He wondered if he should ask Adam about the dream, but that felt intrusive. Thinking back to the nightmares never helped. So, he tried the only thing he could think of. "Do you have work tomorrow?"

"No."

"You wanna go back to sleep?"

"I...I don't think so. Why?"

"Wanna go for a drive?"

"Ronan, it's midnight."

"Yeah, so?"

He could hear Adam sigh, before he said, "Okay."

"Why aren't you sleeping lately," Adam asked later, as they lay in a field under the moonlight.

Ronan hesitated. He didn't talk about these things, it made him feel too vulnerable, but there was a slight shake to Adam's voice and Ronan would do anything to make it go away. "Sometimes... I miss the barns so much I feel like I can't breathe. I just want some way to have it back."

"That's why you go on drives then? To breathe easily."

"Yeah." He was grateful that Adam didn't mention the drinking or racing. "What about you?"

"I feel like I can't ever stop thinking. About school. About work. About Cabeswater... About my parents. About Monmouth."

"You don't like living there?" Ronan asked, because otherwise he would probably snap at Adam for even thinking of his parents. They didn't deserve to cloud his thoughts or life anymore. 

"It's not about what I like. I wanted to leave on my own and...have my own place. I didnt wanna be a burden to someone else again."

Ronan's anger at Adam's parents flared more at the 'again'. "You know I can argue that even I don't pay any rent or anything though I have more than enough money. But I guess that's the point. I won't understand what goes on in that brain of yours but I don't want to make you stay if you don't want to," Though I want you to stay so bad. "And I'm sure Gansey doesn't either. So, I was going to tell you that the church I go to has an apartment on rent. It's not that great or anything but if you want, I could look into that."

"Yeah?" There was a hint of hope in Adam's voice.

"Yeah," Ronan said, then thinking back to Adam's previous words about leaving asked, "Are you mad at me?"

"For what?"

He could hear Adam shifting, and he turned too so that they were face to face. Adam's face was scrunched up in confusion, so Ronan said, "For punching him."

"No. Why would I be mad?"

"Because you had to leave."

"I did want to leave on my own. But I also did want to get out alive."

Ronan stopped himself from flinching at that. 

"Do you regret it?" Adam asked.

The fuck? "Why the fuck would I regret it?"

"You could have been expelled."

Yeah, like he cared about that.

"You would have to leave Monmouth," Adam added.

Well, he did care about that. But not more than Adam. He wouldn't put it over keeping Adam safe. He shook his head, contemplating his words. He was always scared that he would accidentally say too much and end up revealing his feelings. But Adam deserved to know that people cared for him.

Being in love with Adam Parrish was standing close to fire. It was risky and dangerous, but Ronan was willing to burn for him. "I regret not doing it sooner," he admitted, glancing at Adam's left ear.

"Oh." Adam looked genuinely surprised and Ronan hated his parents because how dare they make Adam feel like he wasn't cared or loved. 

His eyes drifted down to Adams' hands as they often did and he was overcome with the urge to hold them as he often was. But he remembered Blue holding these hands and a sharp ache clutched his heart. He rolled on his back again so that he wouldn't do something stupid. 

He heard Adam take a deep breath before saying, "I wish we could just stay here."

"Who says we can't?" Ronan challenged. 

"What? Are you serious?"

Ronan turned his head sideways to find Adam looking at him in question, but there was curiosity in his eyes. Ronan knew it was stupid and possibly dangerous. He could bring something back and reveal his secret or worse, he could bring something harmful back and hurt Adam, which was a nightmare in itself. But Adam wasn't sleeping well and if this would make him feel better, then Ronan would stay awake the whole damn night. "Yeah, I'm serious," he said, before he could overthink it. "I think I've a blanket in my car."

Without waiting for a response, he got up and went to his car, taking out the blanket. As he walked back to where Adam was lying, he threw the blanket at the other boy with a "Here you go, shithead" to regain some sort of normalcy in this otherwise unfamiliar night. 

Adam caught it easily and draped it over himself, leaving half of it for Ronan. Ronan hesitated for a moment before slipping under it. and...okay, maybe he hadn't realized just how small the blanket was. He could feel Adams warmth from where their sides touched.

His skin burned.

He placed his right hand under the back of his neck, trying to calm the frantic beating of his heart. 

"If any wild animals appear suddenly, I'll tell them to eat you," he joked.

That startled a laugh out of Adam and Ronan found himself immensely pleased. 

"Shut up, Lynch."

"Go to sleep, Parrish."

Adam rolled on his side, facing Ronan and closed his eyes. "Goodnight, Ronan."

Ronan grunted a goodnight in reply and turned his gaze back towards the dark sky, eyes flickering over the constellations as he listened to Adam's even breaths.

He knew if he looked at Adam, he wouldn't be able to stop, but, inexplicably, he soon found himself turning towards Adam like he was gravitating towards him, and for once, he let himself take in the details without the fear of getting caught. He had memorised Adam's features by now, but still seeing him from this close was exhilarating and terrifying. One small mistake and he could ruin everything within seconds. He had too many secrets and he didn't know which one would end up destroying him. 

He couldn't— shouldn't— fall asleep, he knew that. But he was irrationally relaxed here and after sometime, his eyes started drifting close, Adam's face under the moonlight following him in his dreams. 

\---

He woke up paralysed, which meant that he had brought something back, and that made fear grip, but like after every dream he felt like he was floating above his body. There didn't seem to be a night horror or anything harmful, but chances of disaster were still heavy because apparently, they had moved while sleeping and now Adam was facing the other side and Ronan's arm was wrapped around Adam, face buried in his curls. 

Fucking fuck. They were fucking snuggling.

As he regained feeling in his body, his first instinct was to jump away but he stopped because that would wake up Adam and it didn't matter if he was having an internal crisis, he wasn't going to wake him up unless he absolutely had to. Slowly, he untangled his fingers from Adams (he knew he was going to think about that a lot) and turned around to the other side, something in him aching to curl back against Adams warmth. Ignoring that, he opened his palm and there was a small flower just the color of Adams eyes. 

He took a deep breath and put it in his pocket, closing his eyes against the overwhelming emotions. He had a crick in his neck and his back was sore from lying on the ground, but it was the best sleep he had in weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys like it! Kudos and comments are really appreciated <3


End file.
